Slowing Down

Along with the majority of US citizens, I made some New Years Resolutions. I vowed to workout, eat right and feel better about myself. I was on a roll – 42 days into a 100 day workout series, training for a 10k race in March and watching what I ate.

Then February hit. And became a black hole.

The month started out with my family losing someone very near and dear to us – my grandmother, Nanny. She and I shared a passion for artwork and the Lord. And her death hit me – so hard.

I managed to keep up with my workouts. In a way, it was an outlet for my grief. The rest of February became a black hole. Honestly, I don’t even know what happened during February.

Then March roared its way in. And so did COVID-19. Our world came to a halt. In a daze, we transitioned to work from home, to attempting to teach our children and to find our new normal.

We slowed down.

And for that, I’m so grateful. God pressed pause on my life at the most perfect time. Because in all things, his timing is so perfect.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m pretty sure I had one of the worst attitudes and outlooks about what this quarantine was going to look like when I first watched our Governor shut down schools. All I could think was, “I’m not cut out for this. I am not stay-at-home mom material (shout out to ALL the stay-at-home moms out there). I can’t do this. How am I supposed to homeschool, discipline, entertain, work full-time and be joyful? HOW?” Man, did I have a bad attitude. I griped to everyone – my husband, my colleagues, my family and friends – about having to be home with my wild children. I joked (or maybe I wasn’t joking) about losing my sanity through all of this.

But I also prayed. I prayed hard to God. I recognized that there was no escaping this situation and it was happening, whether I liked it or not. I prayed for God to show me the silver lining, the joy and the magic in this. And He did. He’s changed my attitude and my heart during this time. Shhh…don’t tell my boys this…but I’m loving this time. I’m loving being with them. Loving on them. Sharing adventures. Making memories.

While it is so stressful – so unbelievably stressful – with the economy in chaos, meetings via video, kids yelling in the background, it’s also sweet – so incredibly sweet. I’m spending time with my husband and my boys. I’m painting again. I’m reading. I’m writing. I’m cooking. All the things that were put on the backburner so long ago.

My boys, my sweet, wild boys. Yes, they miss their friends, their teachers, their routines. But they have the opportunity to experience just being kids for the first time in their lives. There’s no schedule, no alarm clock, no shuffling from schools to camps to daycares. They are spending hours a day outside, they’re inside building forts, they’re finding ways to entertain themselves when, heaven forbid, they get bored.

This timing is perfect. It’s allowed our family to just be. And for that, I’m eternally thankful to God.

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